The Most Dramatic Birth in the World

Kirk birth

Kirk as a gross baby.

James Kirk had easily one of the most average births in all of fiction, as his mother went into labor aboard a space lifeboat, while his father flew a damaged ship to fend off missiles from a much bigger enemy ship that had arrived from the future, eventually plunging himself into the enemy ship, over the sound of a symphony. At this point, we really do have to try in order to have a more dramatic birth.


Kirk spent his childhood as a tool. Moving on.

Meeting with Pike

Presumably, an absolutely hammered Kirk walked into a bar to hit on people. However, he comes across another member of his cast, Uhura meaning a plot point was incoming right toward his face. While getting his face pounded in by the walking plot devices, his beatdown is interrupted by a guy who can whistle really loud. Pike then berates Kirk for the fact that he's a tool and tells him that he liked his dad better, goading him into joining Starfleet.


To be added

Powers & Abilities


  • Plot Armor: The absolute best. Back from the dead guarantee included.