- "Murica! Fuck Yeah!"
- ―Captain Murica
Captain Murica is an ALL-AMERICAN superhero from World War II who was frozen and thawed out in modern times.
Captain Murica was born on July 4th, 1918 AKA Murica Day. Never before has a more Murican man stood on Murican soil. He then befriended Bucky, a fellow Murican, who would later comfort him when his family would die after serving thier country. Naturally, being a red, white, and blue blooded Murican, he tried to enlist in the army the first chance he got.
- "I can do this all day."
- ―Cap, getting the shit kicked out of him.
However, since he was far from looking like the ideal American, he was denied enlistment. He took his frustration out on a moviegoer, using the America technique of using his face to block punches. However, he is saved by Bucky. Bucky then takes him to Disneyland, the most American of all places, where they are planning to have a double date, the most ancient of all american traditions. They watch a demonstration of Howard Stark demonstrating the American ideal of crashing and burning. But Cap feels his liberty senses tingling and decides to enlist again. Bucky decides to intervene because he doesn't believe that Cap is Murican enough for the army, but Cap proves him wrong in front of a dirty German scientist. When the non-American scientist confronts him, Cap shows just how Murican he is.
Cap's Muricanness proved to be enough for the Not-American Scientist and Cap is enlisted to promptly have the shit beat out of him again, but it's okay cause the kid who breaks easier than a toothpick has a good heart and red, white, and blue blood.
- "Is this a test?"
- ―Captain Murica regarding a test
Cap was enlisted and brought to boot camp where he was trained by some Unamerican woman! In what appears to be the most realistic part of the film, Cap sucks at everything. But then the dirty nazi scientist proves that Steve's heart and willingness to get himself killed will most definitely make up for his lack of everything else. Then Cap and the nazi have some pointless talk.
Captain Murica is an ALL-AMERICAN at heart, meaning he is the ideal human. As such he is perfect and as such hasn't gone under ANY noticable form of character development throughout his movies. He also likes punching Nazis and rich people.
Powers & Abilities
- Control his shield via telekinesis, so it can bounce off surfaces when he needs them to but get stuck on those same surfaces if he needs to.
- Not die of air pressure despite repeatedly jumping out of planes at high altitude without a mask or parachute, of which there's plenty on the plane.
- Being able to master any new activity he's presented with despite the super serum not making him any smarter.
- Come up with freedom-based speeches that inspire millions on the fly while you take a month to come up with some crappy paragraphs for your art class presentation.
- Saying he's not gonna kill anyone, then burst into a warehouse while shooting a machine gun.
- Always conveniently wearing red, white and blue clothes. Because FREEDOM prevails even when out of the job